Male Call: What Shivers Your Timbers?


Click to read more about James Roberts.

 By James Roberts

It doesn’t take a Robert Mueller to mull out what happened with your last relationship: All we need to do is look at what your dating profile says you don’t want.

What the Male Call Advisory Board™ has discovered, ladies, through extensive, organic, non-GMO research consisting of about 30 minutes tracking you through Bumble and Tinder is that your dating profile often tells more about your last relationship than about what you really like to do (besides laughing, loving life, traveling and showing club selfies of you and your besties).

Here are some real-life samples:

“I want someone who is slow to anger”

“I have my life in order and so should you”

“No drama”

“No games”

“I want someone who will have my back”

“Must love to laugh”

“I’m financially stable…and you should be too”

“No ex-girlfriends calling you”

“Respect is a must”

“No felons!” (this may have been a joke)

“Please just be normal”

See, all these phrases are red flags — and not the Valentine kind — announcing the things that went wrong last couple times.

(Apparently you also get a lot of requests for hook-ups, but it doesn’t really help to call off the one-night hopefuls, much less the scammers, that’d be like posting a “no ants allowed” sign at your picnic.)

So, fascinating as your prior relationships may have been, as Valentine’s Day approaches, how about proclaiming what makes your heart shiver with delight, not shrivel with distaste.

Need a guy’s perspective? Jot a note to Male Call at For more words, ideas and whimsy, visit

Photo by ^@^ina (Irina Patrascu Gheorghita ) on / CC BY


%d bloggers like this: