Male Call: Your Photo Toolkit


By James Roberts –

Ladies: We’ve talked before about plagiarizing phrases from other peoples’ 15-year old dating profiles (“looking for a partner in crime,” “looking for my best friend”) and your current obsession with pointless warnings (“no hook-ups,” “must have sense of humor”).

Apparently, you haven’t been paying attention to our photo advice though, so the Male Call Advisory Board ™ has created a photo toolkit for you.

First, let’s get rid of some of those tiresome problems:

  • No children in your photo gallery — especially, and it’s sad that we even have to point this out, your grown children posed on their own, without you even in the shot.
  • No clubgirl pals, hottie friends or bridal shower pix…unless you’re offering them as part of the deal
  • No bathroom selfies.
  • In fact…no selfies, period — this starts to look like no one has ever taken a picture of you, except yourself. You couldn’t even get a stranger to hold up your cell cam as you stand in the bathroom? OK, don’t answer that.
  • No duckface shots…that’s sooooo Kardashian.

In short, this is not a Facebook-like vacation travelogue for your friends and family.

Now, our toolkit:

  • Your gallery should include at least one head shot, and . . .
  • one full-figure shot, or at least one that gives a general impression.
  • At least one smiling shot, though a fish gape is all right if you can pull it off. No grumpy faces, ever. Unbelievably, that’s the lead photo in many profiles!
  • No pix without you — and it’s got to be obvious which one is you. See, with guys our hair pretty much stays the same color and style from day to day (not that the men don’t have their sneaky ways of disguising themselves from one pic to the next) but we don’t totally transform our “look” from week to week.
  • One shot of you doing something interesting.

This last one is actually the keystone, the bedrock, the pièce de résistance of your entire profile — the all-important conversation starter. Following the time-honored screenwriter’s maxim, “show don’t tell,” you need at least one pic where you’re doing something that the guys can react to, hopefully in a positive manner. It could be a shot of you ziplining, golfing or just wearing something amusing. See, guys really want to open up the dialogue but if all you have is a selfie of your bathroom supplies or standing in a lineup with your besties, you don’t give them anything to work with.

Don’t just say you’re a “classy lady” — show yourself being classy. Don’t just say you love movies — get a shot of yourself in front of a theatre marquee (maybe even Deadpool 2 if you want to get a particular kind of guy’s interest).

Our extensive research shows that people (and this goes for guys as well) are looking for some conversational hook to open with. Your mission is to open the door to a conversation.

Otherwise, you’re doomed to a litany of “Hey there,” “Hey, what’s up?” or even “‘Sup?”

As for the guys: you’re hopeless. Put your shirts on and stop lying about your height.

Need a guy’s perspective? Jot a note to Male Call at or check out the Male Call archives at

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