Male Call: Twelfth Day of Christmas

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Click to read more about James Roberts.

 By James Roberts

What a lovely surprise to find this delightful ditty being crooned outside the Male Call office the other night by a duo calling themselves the ‘Two Loves.’ We can’t say their poetic meter is particularly proficient but it’s at least as good as my dear cousin’s annual holiday versification — and their grasp of online dating spots is spot-on.

Feel free to sing along.

On the twelfth day of Christmas my two loves sent to me:

Twelve zooskers Zoosking (whatever that is)

Eleven bees a’Bumblin’

Ten Tinders swiping

Nine e-ladies Harmonizin’

Eight Cupids OK’ing

Seven Singles Silvering

Six Plenties o’Fishin’

Five anonymous Anomo’ers…

Four Matchers machinating

Three Ashleys Madison’ing

Two Christians Mingling

…and a Farmer Only in a tree.

We can hardly wait to see what they come up with for New Year’s Eve.


Need a guy’s perspective? Jot a note to Male Call at jrobertpenn@aol.com or check out the Male Call archives at www.words-in-action.com.


Photo by ltenney1225 on Foter.com / CC BY-NC

 

Male Call: Will You Be My ‘Partner in Crime?’

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By James Roberts  

We are sometimes accused…OK, we admit…that some of the info we provide has no particular basis in reality outside the Male Call Advisory Board’s™ fevered imagination.

But this month, we swipe a look at your favorite dating apps and present cold, hard data!

First, Bumble, which bills itself as a location-based dating app where women make the first move: “We’re leveling the playing field.”

We looked at 82 profiles (at which point, some of them started repeating). Of these, 55 gave some kind of descriptive profile info. Amazingly, 27, that is, one-third, gave absolutely nothing other than screen name, age, city and calculated distance from you.

We had been advised that a lot of people use the same exact terms to describe themselves — to the extent that basically many profiles, are simply a collection of clichés and stock phrases that give no hint about the person’s individuality. The mission we set was to document the specific “most used” terms.

Some of these include “partner in crime” (which, as a dating cliché, goes back at least 16–20 years); “looking for my best friend;” “someone who has my back;” and “last first date.” Another popular phrase group, “Loves life,” actually dates back more than 40 years! Clearly, folks are simply snagging phrases here and there from 10-year-old Match.com profiles. These were not necessarily the most frequent, but they were disturbingly prevalent.

And now, the most-used terms among our sample of women over 50:

  1. “travel/traveling” (about 80 percent of women use this) — not including “road trips”
  2. “sense of humor/laughing/love to laugh/smiling”
  3. “movies” (tied with “humor”)
  4. “music/concerts”
  5. “hiking”
  6. “cooking” (tied with “hiking”) — not including “food” or “restaurants”
  7. “family and friends” — we actually recorded these separately, but they typically go together so this is probably the real #2.

Some negative terms, like “no drama,” “no hook-ups” or “no smokers” were also prevalent, often with the clichéd instruction to “swipe left.”

Interestingly, a number of profiles are written in third-person style: “loves animals and working out.”

Now, let’s look at Tinder, another “swipe left/right” dating app.

It seems that Tinder has a hook-up vibe because there are an awful lot more phrases from women bidding that you swipe left (“no”) if that’s what you’re looking for. Although no one asks you to swipe right for that, the photos might imply it.

We counted 70 non-repeating profiles of which 20 (29 percent) had no description other than screen name and distance.

Here, “sense of humor” and “travel” switch places, but that could just be a statistical anomaly. “Friends/family” came in third with “Music/concerts” and “no hook ups” (including “no scammers”) close behind.

There’s the usual collection of “hiking”, “adventure,” “love animals,” “beaches” and “outdoors” so the two services are pretty similar in use of those stock phrases.

Demographically, Tinder skews somewhat younger than Bumble but both allow you to specify the distance you’ll accept (up to 100 miles).

The takeaway from all this, as we’re fond of saying, is that if you want to sound exactly like everyone else, go ahead and plagiarize your old Match, Plenty of Fish, Mingle or back-of-the newspaper Personals write-ups. (And don’t forget the bathroom or car selfie.)

But, ladies and gents, if you wish to stand out from the competition — and make no mistake, they’re vying for your next partner — how about not just informing us that you’re classy, or that your friends say you’re funny: say something classy, be funny, tell us if you’re a first-class or coach-and-bus ride traveler…and maybe drop a hint as to what kind of farcical “crime” you’d like to partner-up for.


Need a guy’s perspective? Jot a note to Male Call at jrobertpenn@aol.com or check out the Male Call archives at www.words-in-action.com.


Photo by afagen on Foter.com / CC BY-NC-SA

Male Call: Your Photo Toolkit

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By James Roberts –

Ladies: We’ve talked before about plagiarizing phrases from other peoples’ 15-year old dating profiles (“looking for a partner in crime,” “looking for my best friend”) and your current obsession with pointless warnings (“no hook-ups,” “must have sense of humor”).

Apparently, you haven’t been paying attention to our photo advice though, so the Male Call Advisory Board ™ has created a photo toolkit for you.

First, let’s get rid of some of those tiresome problems:

  • No children in your photo gallery — especially, and it’s sad that we even have to point this out, your grown children posed on their own, without you even in the shot.
  • No clubgirl pals, hottie friends or bridal shower pix…unless you’re offering them as part of the deal
  • No bathroom selfies.
  • In fact…no selfies, period — this starts to look like no one has ever taken a picture of you, except yourself. You couldn’t even get a stranger to hold up your cell cam as you stand in the bathroom? OK, don’t answer that.
  • No duckface shots…that’s sooooo Kardashian.

In short, this is not a Facebook-like vacation travelogue for your friends and family.

Now, our toolkit:

  • Your gallery should include at least one head shot, and . . .
  • one full-figure shot, or at least one that gives a general impression.
  • At least one smiling shot, though a fish gape is all right if you can pull it off. No grumpy faces, ever. Unbelievably, that’s the lead photo in many profiles!
  • No pix without you — and it’s got to be obvious which one is you. See, with guys our hair pretty much stays the same color and style from day to day (not that the men don’t have their sneaky ways of disguising themselves from one pic to the next) but we don’t totally transform our “look” from week to week.
  • One shot of you doing something interesting.

This last one is actually the keystone, the bedrock, the pièce de résistance of your entire profile — the all-important conversation starter. Following the time-honored screenwriter’s maxim, “show don’t tell,” you need at least one pic where you’re doing something that the guys can react to, hopefully in a positive manner. It could be a shot of you ziplining, golfing or just wearing something amusing. See, guys really want to open up the dialogue but if all you have is a selfie of your bathroom supplies or standing in a lineup with your besties, you don’t give them anything to work with.

Don’t just say you’re a “classy lady” — show yourself being classy. Don’t just say you love movies — get a shot of yourself in front of a theatre marquee (maybe even Deadpool 2 if you want to get a particular kind of guy’s interest).

Our extensive research shows that people (and this goes for guys as well) are looking for some conversational hook to open with. Your mission is to open the door to a conversation.

Otherwise, you’re doomed to a litany of “Hey there,” “Hey, what’s up?” or even “‘Sup?”

As for the guys: you’re hopeless. Put your shirts on and stop lying about your height.


Need a guy’s perspective? Jot a note to Male Call at jrobertpenn@aol.com or check out the Male Call archives at www.words-in-action.com.


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Male Call: Call Me By…A Name

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By James Roberts –

This month we tackle a subject that is bound to get us in trouble. But that’s how we roll!

The question is: What to call adult persons of the “XX” DNA persuasion, also known technically as the homogametic sex or, if you want to go all Jane Austen on us, the distaff side?

Let’s start out gently, with a simple academic distinction that causes grief mostly to headline writers: Are women candidates winning more in 2018…or are female candidates? Was Hillary the first female presidential nominee from a major party or the first woman nominee?

Our go-to source for these kinds of wonky distinctions is usually Mignon Fogarty, aka “Grammar Girl,” and she says that since ‘woman’ and ‘man’ are primarily used as nouns, to say someone is a woman nominee is placing ‘woman’ in an adjective position. (OK, that doesn’t sound too woke but that’s how she says it.). However, she goes on, nowadays the most common use of the word female as a noun is to refer to lower animals: “The female apes gathered to defend against attackers.”

Although Grammar Girl votes in favor of “female” for the candidate question, we found pretty much equal usage in our Google search.

Now on to trickier stuff.

The Male Call Advisory Board™ (MCAD) has been querying women…er, ladies…er persons, for several years on the question of the various terms they like and dislike.

“Ma’am” — universally disliked. “Don’t you dare ma’am me unless you want a kick in the shins,” we were advised once. Occasionally, OK, though, if used in a respectful tone by a sales clerk, especially in the South.

“Lady” — much disliked by women in our surveys, but apparently more by younger ones, in the, say, 20-50 age group. Oddly, the 13-year-old club volleyball female team players that I used to coach, regularly referred to themselves with this term. “OK, ladies, let’s step up our defense!” (Tip to guys: Never say “Hey, lady…!” or “This lady tried to cut in line…”). Still acceptable for bathrooms though.

“Girl” — Only women are allowed to call themselves this (and rightly so), as in “girls’ night out” or “The girls are getting together later for their Chat ‘n Craft.” Exception: In mixed-doubles tennis, when there’s mismatch of too many men, one of the guys may be designated “a girl” for purposes of, well, whatever. Also, women can self-designate themselves as Grammar Girl, That CAD Girl, Science Babe (but don’t get us started on that term).

“Gal” — We found a surprising, if mild, dislike for this term among the…persons. The MCAD has always thought this was a perfectly reasonable complementary term to “guys” — which no one objects to. Go figure.

“Ms.” — always suitable, except for wedding invitations, as an honorific for both unmarried and married women — a suitable equivalent of “Mr.”

“Mx.” — an honorific that does not indicate gender, though we have yet to find a person of any persuasion that actually likes or uses this. We have to admit it does fill a grammatical need for “non-binary” people; nevertheless, we’re not predicting a rousing success for the term. Maybe once letter-writing goes completely out of style, we won’t need any of the standard honorifics.

So there you have it, guys…er…gents.


Need a guy’s perspective? Jot a note to Male Call at jrobertpenn@aol.com or check out the Male Call archives at www.words-in-action.com.


Photo by Photographing Travis on Foter.com / CC BY

Male Call: The Ladies Lay Down Rules

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Click to read more about James Roberts.

 By James Roberts

We recently had occasion to hear some surprisingly firm guidelines for you guys from a group of online-dating ladies about “first meetings,” aka, the “meet ‘n greet.”

First off, exactly what is a meet ‘n greet (henceforth MNG) and how does it differ from a “date?” The panel (and we use that term loosely) of ladies (not loosely) was definitely in agreement with the guys.

An MNG is an arranged get together for romantic purposes between two people who have had some electronic or social media interaction but no face-to-face, in-person contact. They may have texted, phoned, IM’d or DM’d through Match, OKC, POF, Bumble, Tinder, Farmers Only or Haters (yes, it’s a real thing where people are matched according to what they hate). In some cases, they may have a great deal of information, in other cases, just a photo.

Now, we’ve talked before about how prospects of both persuasions manage to show misleading or downright dishonest pictures, lie about their height, weight and age. Two things all the ladies have in common: “they love to laugh” and “no hookups.” As for the guys, apparently, they all want hookups and don’t want to spend more than five minutes grooming for the meeting.

Personality? Well, that’s sort of the point of the MNG. That, and figuring out if the person has lied about their height, weight, age and love of laughter.

OK, so a “date” is when two people with romantic intentions who’ve previously met arrange to meet somewhere for some kind activity such as dinner, drinks, a concert, a hike or whatever.

Once upon a time, a date involved the guy picking the gal up at her residence and driving to their assignation. But nowadays it seems hardly anyone is brave enough for that.

But now, the MNG rules envelope, please:

  1. Guy always pays
  2. Second date must be arranged before the first meeting ends
  3. Minimum amount of time a woman feels she owes you: one hour
  4. No Groupons and definitely no coupons may be used.

Regarding Rule 1, we were informed that if the woman so much as offers to pay, even the tip, that’s the tip-off that she’s not interested. Exception: if the guy has to travel more than two hours to get to the meeting place.

There seems to be some wiggle room on Rule 2. Guy Rules suggest that a fella should wait at least one day before asking for the second date. This elicits snorts of scorn from the distaff side.

However, there is a definite exception to Rule 3: when the guy has obviously lied about his marital status…or height, then she can leave after a few minutes.

For Rule 4, interestingly, a separate panel (loosely speaking) of women declared that coupons/Groupons are “no problemo.” One lady said, “If you go out with a woman who is so money-obsessed that she disdains a Groupon, you need to find a different date.

Oh, and Rule 5. Guys: never say “ladies” unless you’re directing them to the restroom.

Need a guy’s perspective? Jot a note to Male Call at jrobertpenn@aol.com or check out the Male Call archives at www.words-in-action.com


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Male Call: Time Waits For No One

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Click to read more about James Roberts.

 By James Roberts

The Male Call Advisory Board™ would like to call attention to some avoidable romance-killing waits perpetrated by certain bands, movie moguls and restaurants.

  1. Endless dance band codas. OK, so technically a coda is “a concluding musical section that is formally distinct from the main structure,” but many bar bands extend an otherwise lively dance tune into seemingly endless drum riffs and lead guitar flourishes. See the problem is, we dancers only have a certain number of moves and after about five minutes, we’ve pretty much used them up. But there’s no graceful way to exit the floor, mid-riff. We know, the band is working itself up to fever pitch for a series of grand finales, but give us dancers a break. We’d either like a new beat or a chance to canoodle.
  2. “Date movies” over 100 minutes. Unless your name is Lawrence of Arabia or Spartacus you really ought to have a heart for new couples on their second date (you’d never take a prospective romantic partner to a movie on the first date, would you? Please say “no.”). We’ve got nothing against a good epic if the bridge over the River Kwai needs to be blown up or Ben is about to be Hur’d. But couples in their EDP (early dating period) like to spend their get-acquainted time having fascinating conversations and exchanging smoldering glances, not squirming in a movie seat. So, movie date-planners, check the running time before you run out of time.
  3. We’ve saved the worst for last: Valentine’s Day dining out. There’s hardly a deal-killer more devastating than chilling for 75 minutes in a restaurant lobby. So, V-Day date-planners, figure on home-cooking or maybe even try a picnic.

A timeless relationship may be waiting for you…but not too long.

Need a guy’s perspective? Jot a note to Male Call at jrobertpenn@aol.com or check out the Male Call archives at www.words-in-action.com


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Male Call: The 12 Days Of Aggravation

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Click to read more about James Roberts.

By James Roberts

All many of us really want for the holiday gifting season is less aggravation. Here are a few empirical guidelines for you singletons.

  1. No use of the word “gifting.”

Ok, but seriously…

  1. No matter how much holiday fun you’re having, don’t plan an extended vacation together until you’ve endured a road trip.

Oh, wait, you already made that mistake. Let’s start over:

  1. No matter what else you’ve done, you’re not a couple until you’ve taken a vexatious road trip together. (Over the river and through the woods to Granma’s does not count.)
  2. Men: In your dating profiles, stop writing what you think people want to hear and write about the true you. You know, like your alleged love of cuddling, chilling a Netflix night, and how laid-back and drama-free you are. The women see through this nettlesome subterfuge.
  3. Women: Stop fake-complimenting yourself: “My friends say I’m funny, adventurous, and look younger than my age.” In fact, leave all those tiresome adjectives out. If you’re funny…be If you’re adventurous, describe an adventure. In short, use the screenwriter’s maxim: Show Don’t Tell.
  4. Men: You need to know that women are aggravated by your crappy-looking shoes…and apparently they especially hate the socks-with-sandals thing unless you’re a sand volleyball player. (Also “flooders,” aka “high-water” pants).
  5. Women: Take it easy on the garish pink club-going outfits unless your name is Paris Hilton. Same with capris — the “soccer mom” of fashion — unless your name is Alessandra Ambrosio (However, the Male Call Advisory Board tells us there’s such a thing as a “cropped ankle pant” that isn’t too bad.)
  6. Everyone: You don’t get to tell everyone how fair or honest you are (“I guess I’m just too honest for my own good!”). Factitious.
  7. Men: Stop lying about your height. This is women’s number one peeve when they finally do meet you.
  8. Women: Stop posting pictures of your cat, dog or flowers as your Meetup profile pic. Exasperating.
  9. Oh, and stop no-showing at Meetup events: über-exasperating.
  10. And when you do have to cancel going to an event with your friends, you don’t need to add “You guys have fun!” Irksome.
  11. Don’t give someone driving directions to your meeting place by referencing all the landmarks you and your bothersome besties are familiar with: “Take Via Linda to the Sprouts then turn left at Home Depot and keep going past Trader Joe’s. It’s next to the new Starbucks.” In Arizona, this is known as “Scottsdale navigation.”
  12. Advertisers: Give us all a break and retire the galling phrase “Give the gift of…” as in “the gift of Amazon Prime/adventure/a calmer mind/Master Class/productivity” when you know it’s not a real gift category.

 

So there you are: Enough pointers for the 12 Days of Christmas, Hanukkah, Winter Solstice, Kwanzaa, Boxing Day and Festivus (for the rest of us) to get you through to National Fruitcake Toss Day (Jan. 3).


Need a guy’s perspective? Jot a note to Male Call at jrobertpenn@aol.com.


Photo credit: Foter.com

Male Call: 15 Dating Terms That Officially Make You A Cliché

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Click to read more about James Roberts.

By James Roberts

Sorry ladies, but if you’ve got any of these code words in your online dating profile, you’ve officially entered the Cliché Zone.

 

  1. “Drama-free.” Along with “no drama” this is probably the #1 cliché dominating dating sites these days. You rarely hear, “Gosh I wish I had a little more drama in my life!”
  2. “No one-night stands” and “No hook-ups.” Ok, we get it, you’re inundated with cheesy solicitations, but as with all such notifications, it’s a terrible way of fending off the bad guys. Either the men don’t see themselves this way or are simply going to lie. Either way it’s like posting a sign at your picnic: “No ants allowed.”
  3. “Friends first.” As with #2, hardly any guy comes right out and says, “Oh, let’s be lovers first and then see if we can be friends!” Ladies, we know what you’re getting at, but disclaimers don’t weed out the players, or, as you like to call them, “serial daters.”
  4. “Love to laugh.” Please point out someone who doesn’t. And more to the point, when are you going to bring the funny?
  5. “Family and friends.” There ought to be a dating site shortcut key for this tired phrase — maybe CTRL-X.
  6. “Shy at first.” From what we hear, this actually used to be one of the telltale signs of a scammer on Craig’s List.
  7. “No baggage.” What a dull life you’ve had.
  8. “Comfortable in jeans and t-shirt or little black dress.” Soooooo early 2000s. By the way, if you Google those exact words you’ll get more than 6 million results. Now how special do you feel?
  9. “No scammers.” Why not just add “no pickpockets”? That’ll keep ‘em away!
  10. “Move on…” As in “If you [insert bad habit or desire for one-night-stand]…move on.” No need for shooing; you’re not the Dating Police. Just announce your pointless “no scammers/no baggage” policy and let ‘em shuffle off on their own.
  11. “Must have chemistry.” Gal Code for “attraction” — a term used to avoid sounding like you’re just interested in a person’s looks.
  12. “Partner in crime.” This was pretty clever 20 years ago…suggesting a sort of Hepburn-Finney Two for the Road love of adventure, sneaking snacks into a movie theatre, jaywalking — but it’s obvious you’re just copying phrases from other dating profiles.
  13. “Midwest values.” No one has any idea what this means…but you. It sounds sort of home-spunnie and “genuine,” maybe patriotic and prairie church-going. But does it mean the guy has to pay for everything…or just hold doors for you?
  14. “Looking for my last first date.” Time to start plagiarizing a better class of dating profile.
  15. “Honest to a fault” – half humble brag, half delusion. Anytime you have to add “to a fault,” you’ve left the Cliché Zone and entered the Totally Annoying Zone.

All this is not to say that guys don’t have their share of code words and clichés. But we’ve got to move on, shed our T-shirt for a tux and polish our Harley because we’re so laid back and good at giving massages.

Got a favorite male cliché? Send it along.

Need a guy’s perspective? Jot a note to Male Call at jrobertpenn@aol.com or check out the Male Call archives at www.words-in-action.com


Photo credit: Internet Archive Book Images via Foter.com

Male Call: Unselfie Yourselfie

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Click to read more about James Roberts.

By James Roberts

We went to a Meetup pool party/BBQ the other day and only recognized two people from their profile pix, both of whom we happened to know pretty well. The other 10 were completely unrecognizable.

Now, as we understand it, the whole point of a social media site like Meetup is to get together with people who may be, if not strangers, at least people you don’t see every single day…i.e., your posse. Otherwise you’d just send an email to your friends and say, “C’mon over, bring a cheap wine and deviled eggs.”

However, some people treat a Meetup, or a Facebook page or a dating profile as though there were Russian spies trying to keep track of their daily whereabouts and the people they associate with.

Of course, this may be perfectly true but if the Russians or [insert political nemesis of your choice] are really trolling you, we’re guessing it’s not through your Meetup, Facebook or dating site profile. Trust us, the Russians are too busy messing with elections around the world to bother with your moviegoing habits.

We’ve covered a few of these before but apparently some of you need to be reminded:

  1. Avoid having other people in the picture, especially if it’s the first pic in a series;
  2. If your name is gender-neutral (Taylor, Sam, R.J., Jesse, Cody, etc.), that’s OK, but maybe you could help us recognize you with a non-sunflower pic;
  3. And by the way, there shall be no pictures of sunflowers, sunsets or sundials in place of a clear, hopefully non-selfie, head shot of yourself;
  4. No motivational posters with inspiring slogans and tapestry backgrounds, invariably snagged from “Brainy Quotes” (a terrible source) and invariably wrongly attributed to Einstein, Yogi Berra, Mark Twain, Churchill, Shakespeare or Gandhi;
  5. No grouchy selfies. Selfies alone are bad enough but if you can’t even manage to coax a smile out of yourself, it’s time to call in a friend. . . you do have one, don’t you? And if you can’t even tell if you look grouchy, well, that’s a larger issue.
  6. If your photo shows the cell phone data in black bars at the top and bottom — hour of day it was taken, battery status, type of phone, other irrelevant icons — but not even the date, how about taking two minutes to figure out how to crop it.
  7. Ladies: No “duck lips” poses (like the “kissy face,” but much more obnoxious)
  8. Ladies: No “beach feet” — it’s just a cliché that tells us nothing except you like the beach. (FYI, one survey says that the chance of a “like” for women decreases by 47 percent for beach photos in general and a whopping 80 percent for men.)
  9. Guys: No flashing a gang sign with your cap backwards and hip-hop underwear rising out of your saggy jeans, or any combination of the above. And unless you’ve got a shirt allergy…keep it on.
  10. Bathroom selfies? Fuggetabout it. The same survey says that taking a picture of yourself in a bathroom mirror will reduce your chances of a “like” by as much as 90 percent! Yikes.

See, the thing is, when you attend a Meetup or a prospective beau or beauzette for the first time, people would like to recognize you. That’s why it’s social media. And when they go home, they might like to connect your face with your name. If you want to be a secret agent, go turn on your cloaking device and set your smart phone for Incognito Mode. Or just go back to Myspace.

Need a guy’s perspective? Jot a note to Male Call at jrobertpenn@aol.com or check out the Male Call archives at www.words-in-action.com


Photo credit: Foter.com

Male Call: Hacked, Duped And Dumped

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By James Roberts –

Having been pestered by a series of malware alerts on the Male Call computer, we were fascinated by a story recently related by a friend — we’ll call him “Mick” — who is still puzzling about what happened to him, especially the aftermath.

We got the story in dribs and drabs between sets of tennis so it took a while to re-assemble the details, particularly since said friend is not terribly computer-literate.

Here’s how it went down.

Mick gets up one morning and logs onto Facebook first thing as he usually does. He’s texting, via Facebook with his sweetie — they’ve been dating seriously for about a month and she has declared “love.”

Now, it’s not entirely clear if he was actually using Facebook’s texting/SMS function or simply Messenger but it seems he was using his laptop. As we said, the narrative was parceled out in 2-minute blurbs.

What happened was that his Facebook screen got “locked.” This was not just computer lag; he got a notification that his FB was locked. We don’t know if this was a standard FB “lock screen” notification or something more sinister.

In a panic, he starts hunting around on Google for Facebook support and heads down a rabbit hole of disaster and scammery.

He finds a site for Facebook Customer Service and calls the 844- number. A support person answers and Mick begins blubbering about the problem:

“Help, help, I’m locked out of Facebook!”

(OK, we may have made up the part about blubbering, but you can trust the next part since we verified it independently. In fact, at first, we didn’t quite believe it but check it out for yourself with this NPR story.)

So he gets the tech support person on the phone, describes the problem but is taken aback to find out that, yes, they can fix the problem but it will cost him $200.

As the NPR story notes: “To be clear, Facebook does not have a phone number for regular users to call.”

Now Mick isn’t quite sure what to do. He doesn’t want to fork over two bills and also can’t figure how Facebook can get away with charging him for customer support.

And then the real disaster strikes.

Suddenly his computer screen is taken over by an unseen hand, like when you give remote access to an online tech support person…but now the hand is typing horrible words to Mick’s sweetie that we can’t even bring ourselves to use initials for! Let’s just say it was three words and one of them was “you.”

Sweetie is appalled and disgusted and quickly breaks off communication.

The plot thickens. It seems that Mick has been in communication with other sweeties who have received similar messages supposedly from him. But it’s his main sweetie he wants to get right with.

Mick, you’ve got some splainin’ to do!

Cutting to the chase, Sweetie #1 is having no truck with any splainin’ . . . but ironically Sweetie #2 sees it for the hack job it was and forgives the apparent word assault.

A week passes and even after numerous desperate attempts at reconciliation and explanation, Sweetie #1 remains unmoved. It’s over, over, over.

So what do you think? Did Mick make up the whole megillah? Was Sweetie #1 being unreasonable in not accepting the story? Or, hmmm, was Sweetie #1 just looking for an excuse to break up? And how many sweeties was Mick online with at the time?

He’s rather vague about that last part but from what we hear, he’s back on the dating market.


Need a guy’s perspective? Jot a note to Male Call at jrobertpenn@aol.com or check out the Male Call archives at www.words-in-action.com.


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