Male Call: “Who’s a Gooood dog” and Other Online Glitches


Click to read more about James Roberts.

 By James Roberts –

Last April, we talked about photo clichés. It’s time to have a little hair of the dog, so to bark, and turn again to verbal glitches that are making you exactly like everyone else.

First off: don’t make your profile sound like you’re a dog…literally. For example: “I’m trustworthy, loyal, friendly, reliable and love to cuddle.” All that’s missing is the “Arf!”

Next: Did someone else write your profile? Or are you using what our Male Call Advisory Board™ calls the “Royal Third Person?” For example: “Loves movies, walking along the beach, and quiet nights staying in.”

Speaking of love, we can probably assume that you are planning to stay alive, so we don’t need “love life” or “love everything life has to offer.” (Oh, and we know you “love to laugh” because you have peppered so many clever jokes into your profile.)

We’re not sure what life would be like without some daily drama — pesky traffic made you late for a job interview, forgot to charge your phone, loyal and trustworthy fur baby chewed your wallet, HOA fined you for not trimming your tree, your stalker just got paroled. But making a blanket statement about “no drama” is both unrealistic and, well, dull.

Scammers beware. Some of the ladies have been putting you on notice that they don’t want you. Same with pickpockets, email phishing schemes and text messages about making “$1K per day from home.” So, how’s that working for you? Perhaps you figure that saying it makes them say “Oh, no, we better not mess with her…she’s on to our tricks, dang it all!”

We’re not quite sure how this next phrase became so popular but “well-traveled” seems to have replaced “globetrotter” and “cosmopolitan.” (We just looked it up and found 138 million Google entries.) Now, a person who has traveled in many foreign countries, especially diverse locations has certainly got around (my sister’s family figures they’ve been to 84 countries from Afghanistan to Zimbabwe) and that’s probably a nice selling point for your profile. But the term is getting a bit tiresome. And we’re not sure cruise ships count…not that anyone will be taking them in the current pandemic climate.

Are “family and friends” important to you? You’re in good company with 9.2 billion citations on Google (mostly from Plenty of Fish and Bumble, we-thinks.)

Though we have mentioned this before, “looking for your best friend” or your “last first kiss” makes your profile look like you copy-and-pasted from a 1990s newspaper Personals ad.

And finally, if you’re on a free online site, there’s no need to tell folks that you’re “not a paid member.”

Remember: your job is to stand out from the crowd. Maybe not all the way out in left field (unless you just like catching fly balls), but at least enough to keep from sounding like you need to be adopted from the local dog pound.

Need a guy’s perspective? Jot a note to Male Call at For more words, ideas and whimsy, visit

Photo: Title: “Here Comes Trouble!” by DaPuglet on / CC BY-SA

COMMUNITY VOICES: Rock Solid in Turbulent Times — By Pastor Paul Witkop

Pastor Paul Witkop

Click to read more about Paul Witkop

By Paul Witkop –

We live in difficult times. The financial and housing markets go up and down. The coronavirus is an unknown force that is causing chaos. We look to the government and the next election for hope — and it’s not there.

We live in the most educated, the most technologically advanced culture ever. Yet there are so many people seemingly holding on by a thread. I spoke with a man whose wife had just left him to go live with another man. He told me that he was holding onto life with a “white knuckle” grip. Another person confessed hopelessness because his company was going out of business. Still another mom and dad are struggling with a son who is taking drugs. Junior high and high school students are discouraged and overwhelmed because of the pressure to achieve.

Challenging times happen to all of us. They make us stand back and truthfully ask the question “What/who am I counting on?” Is the foundation of my life so solid that in circumstances beyond my control, I can still navigate life?

Easter is the celebration that there is someone we can count on, someone who is the rock-solid foundation on whom we can build our lives. History records that Jesus Christ lived on this earth with a group of followers, predicted that he would die and rise from the dead, and then actually did die and rise from the dead after three days. No one has ever done this except for him. He claimed to be the Son of God and his invitation to all of us is to confidently place our faith in him now and forever.

You might be going through a very difficult time and feel like everything you used to count on has eroded away. God wants to turn your heart from discouragement to hope. He wants us to take a step of faith, put our trust in the resurrected Jesus.

“I can do all things through Christ who gives me the strength.” —Philippians 4:13

The truth is, your circumstances may or may not change. However, there is power available that is greater than your own wisdom and your own resources. In his time and in his way, God will give you power for living, the same power that raised Jesus from the dead, to help you through whatever seems to be defeating you today. May you receive his gift of strength and be encouraged that, with Christ, there is hope.

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