Acceptance Is Not Resignation

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By Bonnie Moehle –

We’ve all been told to appreciate what we have, to be tolerant of the people and situations in our lives – to accept. And yet, we often have difficulty being accepting. Our programming is filled with contradictions. We are told to accept, yet we believe that if we do we are “giving in” and are therefore stuck with what we have. We think that if we accept the actions of others that they will get away with something and we will lose power. We are taught that if a situation in our life is other than what we wanted that we should try to manipulate and control it.  We justify our non-acceptance, which holds us in repeated patterns and takes away our clarity.

What we fail to understand, is when non-acceptance causes us to hate “what is” (the things we cannot change or control), we feel stress. We focus on what we are unhappy about or how our life will be better someday, and we lose our ability to experience the peace, the joy and, the inspiration that are always there for us when we accept. Rather than feeling inspired to move forward, we stay trapped in the illusion of a past and future that don’t even exist. We feel anxious, tired and debilitated. We are so caught up in the non-acceptance that we can’t see that other options are right in front of us.

Acceptance is not resignation. True acceptance happens through the practice of presence, which eliminates the reactions that hold us in fear and victim-hood. When we are present, we are able to see the opportunities that are arising for us in that very moment.  We have energy that propels us forward. Acceptance doesn’t mean we have to like what is happening. It just means that we peacefully allow it and then through presence are open to receiving new possibility.

A friend of mine had cancer.  I suggested that he stop trying to fight the cancer and instead accept it. This may sound like the opposite of what he’d need to do, but for many, fighting cancer means hating it. Some become angry victims or worry incessantly. A lack of acceptance creates tension in the body, which impedes the ability to heal and contributes to illness. By accepting the cancer, the body is no longer tense and the natural pharmacy within can do its job. When he accepted, he became less caught up in fear and found that he was then able to make the best possible choices to help his healing process – choices that hadn’t even come to his awareness until he accepted.

When we have to perform a task we dislike, hating it makes doing it a miserable experience that seems to take forever and is filled with mishaps. When we perform the task with acceptance we find that it goes smoothly and quickly and if we are truly in acceptance, we feel peace as we perform it.

If we are passed up for a promotion at work, anger will merely serve to get us passed up again next time. Acceptance gives us the clarity of mind to see the steps we need to take next. Maybe we will be inspired to improve our performance. Perhaps it is time to re-evaluate and work somewhere else. Nothing in life happens to us, it all happens for us. Through acceptance we see this gift. Then when one door closes, an even better one opens.

Non-acceptance keeps us angry, fearful, worried, anxious, etc…we feel trapped. How can we experience our inspiration when we feel like that? Acceptance is freedom. It gives us the ability to receive inspiration, which opens the door for new possibility.  Once we truly accept, ideas come to us easily and effortlessly and we find that the innate drive within us to move forward is much more effective, keeping us in a joyous flow of life.

Keys To Becoming A Great Leader

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By Bonnie Moehle –

In working with business owners over the years, I have found that the most effective leaders are those who have overcome five basic but highly important obstacles – five obstacles that make the difference between good leadership and GREAT leadership.

Those obstacles are:

1. An attachment to outcomes
2. A negative internal dialogue
3. A need to rehash/relive the past
4. A belief that worrying about the future will be helpful
5. A lack of authenticity with colleagues and team members

Each one of these obstacles has an internal source. They spring from the beliefs and thoughts of the individual leader and are then demonstrated through that leader’s focus, behaviors, reactions and communication skills. When a leader is aware of these five obstacles, and then has the tools to monitor and manage them, the result is a leader that has minimal stress and a team that is trusting, inspired, cohesive and highly productive.

Let’s focus on one of these obstacles, attachment to outcomes, which can be defined as a need to control or micromanage. Great leaders understand that control is an illusion and that an attempt to be in control creates stress, disappointment and limitation. Many leaders are bound to the misperception that an attachment to an outcome is absolutely necessary to maintain forward momentum. In reality, it leaves those leaders unable to see other (maybe better) possibilities, consider new ideas or try new methods. In addition, it robs the participants on a team of their fullest freedom and development, leaving them uninspired and nonproductive. The difficulty for so many leaders is in the fear of letting go. Great leaders understand that they will be much more effective by focusing on strengths and operating with trust and acceptance rather than control. Those are the leaders who become the catalyst who leads their team to greatness.

The Truth About Feeling Overwhelmed

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By Bonnie Moehle –

Have you ever experienced a moment where you have a realization that changes how you approach life forever? Years ago, I was sitting in an automotive shop waiting to have tires put on my car. While I sat there, I made a list of the things I needed to accomplish over the next few days. As I wrote this extensive list of tasks, my body began to feel anxious. I felt overwhelmed.

I was just beginning to understand that everything I was experiencing in my life was the direct result of my thoughts and beliefs. So, I stopped. I took a moment and observed my thinking. “I’ll never get this done,” “What if…” “This is too hard,” “I’m so busy,” “Everybody wants a piece of me,” etc. As I began to notice my own thoughts I became aware that it was not the list of tasks that was causing my feelings of anxiety, but the thoughts I was having about the list.

I was also becoming aware that whenever my body felt uncomfortable, I was getting a message from, what I now call my Internal Teacher. I understood that my Internal Teacher is my personal ally that alerts me to moments when I am stuck in thinking that doesn’t serve me. The discomfort in my body was the signal to take a look at my thoughts. I understood that once I observed my thinking, I would discover the cause of my discomfort. As I observed my thoughts, I could clearly see why I was feeling overwhelmed. Now I could make a choice. Did I want to attack my list of tasks while stuck in thinking that made it feel insurmountable, or did I want to change my thinking and carry out that same list in peace?

There are people who always seem harried and there are those who seem to be relaxed. Life seems to flow easily for them. Those that are relaxed do not have less to do. They just approach their list a little differently? First, they catch their uncomfortable thoughts and change them to thoughts such as, “I have plenty of time,” “Everything will work out perfectly,” “I will get everything done, I always do.” Secondly, they live in the moment. They perform each task fully in the moment, concentrating only on the task at hand. Their thoughts are not on what they have to do next nor are they focused on what they did earlier.

The amazing result of making these simple changes is that everything gets done effortlessly, with more clarity and more efficiency. It is hard to flow through life when you are caught up in your mind worrying about what you have to do next. So the next time you feel overwhelmed, notice how your body feels. It is telling you to observe your thinking. Notice your thoughts and change them. And then… get into the moment. You will no longer feel overwhelmed and your life will flow.

Have You Kept Your New Year’s Resolution?

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By Bonnie Moehle –

Two months have passed since we set our goals resolving to do something different this year. Although we always start with good, clear intentions, many of us, in a very short period of time, are right back to our old habits. Why is it so hard to keep our resolutions, and what can we do this year to be sure to make permanent changes?

First, understand that a resolution is about changing a behavior, and that changing a behavior is extremely difficult if we don’t examine and change the underlying cause of the behavior we’re hoping to let go of. All of our behaviors are the direct result of how we think and what we think about. As Henry Ford once said, “If you think you can do a thing or think you can’t do a thing, you’re right”.

If you want to make and maintain real changes this year, start with a little self-examination. What do you say to yourself about your abilities and your life? Are your thoughts in alignment with what you want to achieve or do they oppose what you are hoping to achieve. “I can’t” or “I’ll never” are thoughts that drive behaviors that hold you in your old patterns.

Once you are catching your thoughts, change them to match your desired outcome. Use statements such as, “I am successful.” My clients often tell me that they feel as if they are lying to themselves when they first start to do this. But, know that thoughts are like seeds. If you plant a marigold seed you will get a marigold. If you want to grow a petunia then you have to plant a petunia seed. Hold the thought that grows into the behavior you wish to achieve

In addition, hold a vision. See yourself achieving your goals. See it like a mini mind-movie, with feeling, as if you are there and as if there is no other possibility. Your thoughts and visions will drive your behaviors. New thoughts and visions will create new behaviors, effortlessly. Be diligent and persistent. If you do, you will start to experience changes in the choices you make and the way you behave.

Finally, celebrate every success along the way, even the small ones. The belief that beating yourself up will make you better and more motivated is a bunch of bunk. It only serves to lower your energy and decrease your motivation. Celebrating the successes keeps you excited about what you are accomplishing and motivates you to keep going. As for the bumps in the road or the hiccups, they are opportunities, not failures. They are there to help keep you on track and let you know when you need to try something new. Celebrate them as well. They help you to grow.

Examine your thoughts. Are they in alignment with what you want to achieve this year? If not, change them, hold a vision and celebrate your successes, and this year, you will achieve your dreams.


Monitor Your Thoughts And Create A Great Year

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By Bonnie Moehle –

Would you like to change your behaviors and experiences this year?  Start with self-awareness and monitoring your thoughts.  What you think about drives your perceptions, your behaviors, the choices you make and the outcomes in your life.  By monitoring your thoughts and being diligent about only entertaining thoughts that agree with your desires, you can change your reactions, behaviors and experiences.

Here are some examples of how your thoughts create your experiences.  If you believe that whatever can go wrong will, then you will not only notice only the “wrong” things that happen, but you will also behave in ways that lead you further down that path.

If you always think that people are out to get you, then when you walk into a store and a salesperson approaches you, your perception is that the salesperson is threatening.  You then become defensive and he or she responds to you accordingly, thus proving your original thought – people are out to get you.  However, if your dominant thought is that you are a good person and people like you and treat you well, then that is what you will see and experience.  What you think about becomes your reality.

The difficulty is in changing the thoughts.  Many clients have told me that they feel as if they are lying to themselves when they change their thoughts.  I like to think of it like this: every thought is a seed.  If you want to grow marigolds you have to plant marigold seeds.  If you plant petunia seeds you will not get marigolds.  Pay attention to the seeds you are planting, as they grow into realities.  Watch your thoughts this year.  If they oppose what you want for your life then plant a new seed and watch how your perceptions, behaviors and outcomes change to match the seeds you plant.

Overcoming The Fears Of Interviewing And Public Speaking

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By Bonnie Moehle –

What do interviewing and public speaking have in common? They both bring out some of our greatest fears, which can make us very uncomfortable. To overcome those fears, let’s take a look at the causes and some solutions to help us get through these situations we dread so much.

There are two major reasons why we feel so uncomfortable when we go for an interview or speak publicly. One is because we are afraid of being judged – we are placing so much importance on what other people think about us. The other is because we are attached to an outcome – we really want the end result to meet up to an expectation.

What can we do to turn these experiences around? To overcome the fear of judgment there’s only one answer, we have to love ourselves from the inside out. Approval from others, validation from friends or acquiring possessions are all outside things that give us a temporary feeling of confidence, but not the confidence needed to overcome a fear of judgment. Internal self-love comes from a regular diet of focusing on our inner strengths – the part of us that is always there no matter what is happening on the outside. When we focus on our strengths regularly, we know who we are. This allows us to show up more authentically in an interview or speech, which makes us more likeable.

Letting go of an attachment to the outcome stems from a mindset of trust that everything is exactly as it is supposed to be – that nothing happens to us, it happens for us. It is a mindset that trusts that all we can do is be the best we can in each moment. It is about letting go of control and simply holding a vision of success. This mindset leads to less awkwardness and more comfort during a speech or an interview, resulting in more natural presentations and better outcomes.

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