Male Call: We’re Not Your April Fool


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Click to read more about James Roberts.

 By James Roberts

Last October, we reported a statistical survey — yes, cold, hard facts that we didn’t even have to make up! — on the online cliché terms women use to prove that you like to be as similar to every other woman on the planet as possible.

For example: “sense of humor,” “no drama,” “family & friends” and (sigh) “must love dogs.” See “Partner in Crime.”

So, we went back to Bumble (where women make the first move) recently to look at some photo clichés.

Specifically, we were curious about the seemingly large number of group photos the ladies offer. Apparently, the idea is that if you’re part of an attractive group, the guys will find you attractive. (Interestingly, the Male Call Advisory Board™ found evidence, called the “cheerleader effect,” that this is an actual thing, at least in clubs, though we doubt it applies to online scenes.) What is particularly confounding is when it’s impossible for the viewer to figure out which one is you. Not that guys are noted for photo authenticity, but our hair styles, hair color and makeup tend to be pretty similar from week to week.

Now, since we’ve been burned making gross generalizations in the past, we’ve found that actually counting stuff in a methodical way helps to quash many of our cockamamie theories.

Here’s what we found.

In a sample of exactly 100 entries (to make the math simple), 64 percent of the women eschewed (did not use) group photos! For purposes of the study, we used a very specific definition of “group photo,” to mean “a shot of two or more women not including statues of Dickens or Drinkwater, posters of King Elvis or Queen Elizabeth, babies or critters.”

Of course, this means that more than a third of you did appear in groups, often indistinguishable from your besties — and in a few cases, there were no actual shots of you by yourself. We know you think that it’s easy to tell which of you is you and which is your adult daughter… oh, wait… maybe that’s the point.

As a side study, we were curious about selfies. Our casual observation was that a great many ladies love to take bathroom shots, possibly because there’s a good mirror there. So, we counted bathroom vs. car selfies — with surprising results.

Turns out only 3 percent of the profiles offered obvious bathroom shots, but 21 percent showed car selfies.

What’s the deal with that?

Is that where you’re putting on your makeup? Are you all of a sudden thinking, “Hmm…I look my best behind the wheel with my seat belt on”?

(To be fair, we also attempted a sidekick study of men’s profiles but could only manage a small sample size. That said, we found 83 percent of men appeared alone with no groupies. There was only one bathroom selfie and no car selfies — apparently guys prefer to stand shirtless in front of their Harleys.)

So, if the idea is to April Fool us into thinking you and your adult daughter are “OMG, like, twins!” or that there’s a “complementary attraction” effect, consider that the male brain has enough trouble figuring out what you mean by “spiritual” and “no serial daters.”

In short, save the group shots for your Instagram’s. It’s not working on your Bumbles.


Need a guy’s perspective? Jot a note to Male Call at jrobertpenn@aol.com. For more words, ideas and whimsy, visit jveeds.wordpress.com.


Photo by Flооd on Foter.com / CC BY-NC-ND

 

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