Male Call: Straighten Up!


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Click to read more about James Roberts.

 By James Roberts

Having apparently fought the good fight about bad selfies on your Internet dating profile…and failed miserably…we have a new cause to champion. And we’re pretty sure we’re on track here.

We’re talking about posting photos sideways.

Really, people. Don’t you ever bother to take a look at your own profile? We’ve even seen upside down shots!

And then there’s the grouchies, the fuzzies, the way-too-dark, the way-too-light, the which-one-are-you and the not-even-you-in-the-shot.

There are also what we call Facebook Inspirational Quotes (FIQs) – just a screen shot of some schmaltzy motivational saying that you seem to think helps the potential beau or belle decide if they want to meet you. These are annoying even on Facebook.

See, your Internet profile is not a family vacation slide show (which were never all that fun to start with). Save the shots of your favourite beach, numerous angles of your pets, your kids graduating, you and your besties yokking it up and your adorable grandkids for later. (Fast stat: one of our super-secret sources says that people who use group shots including themselves see 42 precent fewer messages than those who fly solo.)

Sorry to pick on you ladies, but the sideways shots and the FIQs seem to be a distaff habit. (Though guys are not immune; in fact, I just spotted a sideways guy with a dried corn husk emerging from the top of his head.)

From the guys’ perspective, it’s all about letting him know who’s going to sashay through the door of the Starbucks or the wine bar. We’ll be happy to meet your handsome son in his Marines uniform or your darling graduating daughter at some future point. We’ll be happy to walk down your beach or smell your favourite flower once we advance to second base (so to speak).

But all we really need to know, picture-wise, is: Who’s showing up: the lady or the tiger?

So, straighten out those photos, dump the indecipherable ones or the ones that look like you just ate a sour pickle while receiving news that your pet hamster died.

And would it kill you to say, “I’m the blonde on the right”?

Need a guy’s perspective? Jot a note to Male Call at jrobertpenn@aol.com or check out the Male Call archives at www.words-in-action.com

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