Confidence Is An Inside Job


Click to read more about Bonnie.

By Bonnie Moehle –

“No one can make you inferior without your consent.” – Eleanor Roosevelt

When I was in pre-school I went out for recess.  I had the time of my life.  I went running into the classroom, excited to share my joy with my teacher but instead she yelled at me for dragging in dirt from the playground.  It was confirmed in my mind.  I’m not good enough.  Then I went to grammar school and I got a B on my spelling test, and again it was confirmed.  I’m not good enough.  And when I wasn’t the most popular girl in my high school, again I wasn’t good enough.  I spent my life looking to my accomplishments and for approval from others to get my confidence.  It never worked.

Inner confidence, the kind of confidence we are all searching for, does not come from anything outside of us.  Approval from others, validation from our work, acquiring possessions and achieving goals only feel good temporarily.  I call this Outer Confidence – short term confidence…feels great, but without Inner Confidence, the feeling is fleeting and then we find ourselves searching for that next fix to make us feel good about ourselves.

True Inner Confidence comes from inside; from self.  It is a conscious choice we make to put our focus on what we love about ourselves instead of what we don’t.  It is an understanding that criticizing ourselves does not help us to improve but only saddens and paralyzes us.  Inner Confidence is not arrogant, as some might believe.  It is kind and compassionate. It makes us less judgmental of others and of ourselves.  It helps us to see the people we encounter in our daily lives through the eyes of love and wisdom.  We no longer take things personally.  We understand that the words and actions of others are not about us but about their perceptions and their needs.  It makes us more accepting.  It makes us better in business and in relationship.  With Inner Confidence we see the perfect soul in even the angriest person and feel compassionate, rather than offended or judgmental.

So love yourself.  Start right now.  Make a list of what you love about yourself and think about it every day.  Remind yourself of the kind, honest, creative, helpful things you do every day, such as, “I was nice to the people I met today.”  Use every life situation as an opportunity to find something to love about yourself.  Focus on the 200 terrific things you said in a conversation instead of the one comment you felt insecure about.  Those positive things about you are always there.  Choose to see them.  Don’t dwell on the negatives; use them as an opportunity to learn.  Catch the moments when you are being hard on yourself and shift your attention to what you do right.  Beating yourself up will not make you better. You reap what you sow, what you focus on you become. So stop focusing on your faults and celebrate your strengths!  This is how the real transformation begins to finding and feeling True Inner Confidence.

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