Cool Enough For Ya?


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Click to read more about James Roberts.

By James Roberts

With The Days of Unrelenting Heat descending on The Valley of the Unrelenting Sun, it’s time to think cool thoughts. And by “cool” of course we mean things like savoir faire and grace under pressure, not things like sneaking up to a girl and dumping ice cubes down her shirt. That’s soooo 15.

Speaking of which, the Male Call Advisory Board has collected the Top 15 Signs that you may not be quite as cool as you thought:

 

  1. You have posted a hand-held cell phone pic of yourself anywhere (especially if you took it in the bathroom mirror)
  2. You hang out at a party or a MeetUp social event with your eyes glued to your iPhone
  3. You think you’ve somehow avoided being a Cougar because everyone says “you look a lot younger than your age”
  4. You refer to yourself in the third person
  5. You delight in showing interminable unsolicited pictures of your cats, grandkids or crafts projects on your smartphone
  6. You wear your sunglasses on the back of your head or under your chin
  7. You use old-fogey terms of address like: “Chief” (“That’ll do ‘er, Chief”), “Boss” (“You have a good day now, Boss.”) “Bud,” “Sport” (unless your name is Gatsby and you live on Long Island) or “Skippy Boy”
  8. You say “Dude” as an exclamation, interjection or “filled pause” if you’re over 30. (“I was like, DUDE, what is going on?” or “Dude you better not eat the rest of my Cheetos.”)
  9. You send chain letters, anywhere, anytime, with half-baked political rumors or quarter-baked medical advice
  10. You utter more than two or three “heh heh’s” when laughing at your own alleged witticisms. (We have actually counted up to 15 chortles emitting from a few people’s pie holes for tired old aphorisms that hardly even rate a half-chuckle.)
  11. You punctuate a conversational point by giving the ol’ “wink-and-tongue click,” especially with a finger-shooting motion
  12. You are a walking billboard for your favorite bad boy motorcycle clothing line
  13. You pompously refer to foreign locales from your world travels as Mayheeco, Barthelona or Firenze (add wink-and-click here);
  14. You throw up gang signs in party photos but you’re not an actual rapper or gangstah
  15. You use date time to pitch your latest hare-brained multi-level marketing scheme

Now…where did I put that baggie of ice cubes? Heh heh.

 

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  1. […] Cool Enough For Ya? In “GET MORE” (May 2013) […]

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