Dating vs Windows 8


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How Dating Is Like Learning A New Computer Operating System

By James Roberts – The Male Call Advisory Board™ finally broke down and bought a new laptop. We had been limping along with the kindly offered services of a borrowed computer, having had our electronic life stolen in an Egyptian airport in June. (Note to everyone: back up religiously or you’ll spend the next six months trying to recover all your inspired pick up lines from the backs of envelopes…not that we, personally, deal in such treacle.)

Unfortunately, in our zeal to beat the holiday rush, we bought the brand new anti-computing operating system called “Windows for People Who Were Perfectly Happy with the Way the Old Versions Worked.”

The thing with dating is that your prospects perch there expectantly like brand new laptops on the store shelf looking all shiny and useful with bright star-shaped stickers saying things like “improved memory for anniversaries” and “faster access to cuddling” and “brighter display when you arrive home after a day of being hassled by annoying co-workers.”

But when you do get your prize home ─ be it computer or beau ─ and start exploring how it really works you find that he, she…or it…has been designed by some bizarro programmer who took away the few lovely things you liked, and replaced them with faux improvements without getting rid of the bad things that made you dump the old one.

So when you’re re-vamping You 2.0 for getting back into the dating world, how about taking a lesson from computer manufacturers…and then do the exact opposite.

For example, instead of making your new beau or squeezie go digging into the bowels of your system (so to speak) to figure out your controls:

    • Make your On-Off switch pleasantly obvious.
    • Don’t insist on laborious, intricate passwords to access simple apps like “Take out garbage,” “Put toilet seat down” or “Walk dog.”
    • Get rid of bogus bloatware and apps (“Picnic in the Park,” “Romantic Valentine’s Day Road Trip”) that you never intended to provide.
    • Be easily customizable to suit your partner’s needs.

In short, your controls and features should be clearly marked and designed for the convenience of your future mate. Your code should not be a kluge of previous users’ twisted machinations and conspiracy theories.

And your operating rules should not be such a jury-rigged tangle that your partner needs to make weekly calls to her tech support team of friends and ex’s.

Oh yeah, one last piece of advice: Hide the “other users” function.

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